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In this video I sit down with sex and relationships blogger, Oloni, and answer your questions about everything from birth control to the shape of your vagina.
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what is up guys and welcome back to my channel as promised I am here with a sex chats video and I have asked the amazing aloy to come and film with me show yourself and we do okay I'm gonna make I'm the sexy relationship breakup award-winning actually mmm and I have a various topical and sexuality dating relationships pretty much that especially for women yeah so either obviously I said in my girl talks video that I'd wanted to do like a candid quite just chilled sex chest video and I have actually listened to you all of receipts a few weeks before I think like it um so the receipts podcast I talked about before and I love listening to her and I and you honor and I was like this is great and then it's someone's young fearless like I'm gonna get a loan Ian for your sex test oh yeah I like such a good idea so here we are I got a few different things that we generally wanted to do there I put an insta story out and loads of people sent in like specific dilemmas and things of that sort of thinking we could talk through some of those and just give different opinions before I know there are like so many situations where I've said one thing you missing the other thing and I think it's quite important especially if maybe you don't want to go to your friends about something like a new book or a certain like sensitive issues or whatever yes we'll do that and then I just done a Q&A thing as well on insta stories so we can go through and generally just odds everything completely unfiltered we're happy to chat about anything yes absolutely everything and allowing us a lot of dynamic stuff like I saw a lot of things your what something really made me laugh yesterday like 75 more responses from guys out there funny thing yeah yeah I guess we'll get started I feel like we should start with some of the shorter ones but we're going to sing specific don't lemon so I'll just get my exit story up let's see what people are asking okay so one to say are you on the pill if so what one love your beds I'm gonna go see I'm not having sex like that right now so when I am I'm whizzy Xing condoms I think the reason why I'm not on the pill is because I just don't this is me personally so this is not me offering advice to other young women but me personally I just don't like hormonal contraception however my sister has been giving me a stern warning and has advised me she's a medical student so she's just like you need to get the injection go see the nurse your sex and relationship pricing you should know back slice stops Dickens just condoms do both but not really having sex like yeah so you know I feel like as long as you'll stay especially because condoms you know protects you from STI as well with a pill yeah and I think also when you're then on something but I am on the implant so yeah and I've talked about this before so I won't go into it much but I've had it for five years obviously I'm on my second one I've got it changed yeah it just sits in here and it's the same homeowners the injections of progesterone only I can't take any estrogen-based hormones because my family has formosus and I am a high risk of strokes due to bad migraines and my Cora so this worked pretty well for me I just sit so now you don't need to remember anything it just chills and they're stopping me having children for specific things especially if they're medical related please do you go to a doctor please do chat about your options not just kind of what works first but again it's useful just talking to people about what works for them and everything okay is it okay if you don't want to have sex I don't think I'd be ready for sex it freaks me out yeah yeah absolutely completely fine you don't have to do it just because everybody else is doing it or because it's in the magazines or on the meat in a music video yeah because everyone's disgusting it you don't have to do I feel like sex in general is your own personal journey it shouldn't be something that you're doing just to fit in it's your own your sexuality will never be the same as a bezoar Thomas's like just be you exactly exactly I think again it's a little very personal like the main thing about like why I think it's important to talk about these things is because everyone should be able to make an educated decision on their own so if say for example you absolutely love going out and having casual sex in various different situations you make it good for you if you don't want to have sex at all great interview that's what's important it's about finding works for you and what you're comfortable with so if you're not ready for something don't think you should be just because other people are yes the same with absolutely anything going on in life it's just that obviously sex isn't talked about as much often it's kind of like you think you should be doing it you might also think that person over there is doing it but they might not they helped me you know probably yeah yeah again something out what's an average poly count it completely different you because I'm gonna what first went to university I wrote this is one of my first ebooks and I was younger I went to university and I'd only slept with two guys so I was 20 around this time and my friends were like they were a similar age ever like 19 20 and remember was probably one of our best it's University and everyone went around the table all the girls went around the table and spoke about how many guys they'd had sex with them each person said between like 10 and 18 and I remember though of my jaw hitting the ground did you not tired but then as I matured sexually I understood that it's fine but there's I don't believe in body counts I believe in being sexually response support and as long as you're doing it for positive and you're you know trying to empower yourself or you just you know yeah yeah if it's consensual out amazing most importantly then there is no reason you shouldn't be there's no reason you should be then you're encountering exactly if you do that's absolutely fine with it but don't don't start going back to your ex for sex just because you think you I don't want to lose like them yeah don't do that don't do that because it's more healthy yeah I definitely just say that the whole idea of body count is just a social construct but I think it's to show you pictures actually like it's one of the few things where it means the complete opposite for guys and girls and I know it doesn't always I know you might know a guy who slept with 200 people and everyone does think of them in a certain way but what happens on average if you're thinking of it like if someone goes like our girls slept with 40 people for example they might be like huh whereas if guy slept with 40 people I used to know anything unique yeah I like men you know like like Coach exactly so again it's I get something that's pretty much I mean I love life I keep count where I will keep counts that people list of my phone yeah I think I think you can't but but I think that's because like when sex with me it was like they were part of my sexual history were godless if it was bad or good I just think to myself oh he helped me learn this and this is where I experienced this and I had the most amazing experience with him whilst we were doing this so it's like each person for me I have a sexual journey it's led me to be the woman I am today yeah organized person not gonna take me away from my Lydia okay is it okay to have sex for the first time with someone you're not dating yes yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with it there's I mean 2018 people are having sex with people on the first date all the time as long as it's consensual and see I know she mentioned prior I don't see anything wrong with it and there's also being safe and you're protected um I would let me be honest at the same time I do think sometimes it's better to wait and I mean if it happens naturally then it happen yeah the reason why I say that I think it's best to wait is because sometimes I feel like it's important to ask for that question when did you get tested last you don't have to land into a situation where you don't really know someone's sexual health history I like to ask my sexual partners all the time you know where did you get when did you get tested last and it should be the same with someone who's new or old so yeah especially for someone and also doing this what's quite important to remember is that you getting an STI or an STD you know reflective of how many people you slept with obviously the chances are fighting because of statistics yeah ability yeah but you it could be one person and you get every single STD or it can motivate 50 people and you get nothing yeah I mean I think what's important with the first time is to ignore to me personally my view is to ignore the concept of virginity yeah this whole thing which again is created to make people to make expect people especially women they feel like they are kind of damaged goods or lay it does derive from a different type of society which if for example it is your choice that you would like to throw example wait for Marian what you would like to do whatever you want to do do that but the thing is is that it's basically derived from thinking the woman of them in pillar if they have sex which it's obviously not really outdated because if we have sex like I'm not going to like burst into flames or go into that in here someone else is going to exciting date me or why is it still taboo to talk about girls masturbating yet it's so normal for guys to talk about her um I think that's just because in general women are not seen as sexual beings we've been told we're not allowed to be enjoying sex that sex is just the men but I'm here today to tell you that it's like absolute a big fad um I always talk about masturbating I try to do my part by trying to normalize it I remember when it was like hot in the middle of summer in England and I remember saying you know it's too hot to even masturbate right now like that's how high temperature and that's just might have a personality like I'm always banging on about masturbating and that's because I want women to remember that part of their sexual journey is understanding better 4d because if you don't understand your body how someone else how is someone else going to understand it so I think it's vital that women try to talk about it more and I think the work that needs to be done it's just us using our voices and tweeting about it or you know talking about it in conversations with your friends if you don't necessarily want to tweet about it you know I me and my friends like you know but then actually I think about other groups like as in in the past especially for example at school or just generally like it was so taboo and it seems so like as in the other day I can't remember where it was but we were with a group of people we didn't know like a huge good people were like playing drinking games and one of them obviously just like a classic no however in their world and and some also never have I ever met debated and some girls drank fine absolutely fine that you do what you want but it was kind of as if it was like Moria I haven't done that yeah and there was in like oh that's like I'm just like so you mean when you're in bed people don't talk about masturbation until years after they stop talking about sex yeah and it's like how how are we talking about other people playing with our own body thing yeah it's actually what's so important I feel about like females I mean having sex it's so much more complicated than it is another man and this is not me like offsetting people against each other but genuinely if you think about like psh easy classically or anything you're like taught it is based around the fact that what happens in sex is that a male comes and that's step one like that's literally like what it is yeah for a female it's so much more complicated than that it's our bodies are way more it's like a Rubik's Cube way it's that so much you have to do with us and it's interesting because even statistics show that lesbians actually receive more orgasms than heteronormative will straight people in general so I find that very interesting that the way we're taught to have sex or even enjoy it yeah you don't even sometimes you wouldn't even get an orgasm and 5% of the time like vagina penetration when it comes to sex is probably the least way we reach orgasm where that I don't know about you but I have never orgasm through my toes I don't just look at something says I always I like include not only my friends does yeah so my boyfriend of me are both negative for STDs and should we still use condoms yeah all the time all the time all the time there's nothing wrong with using you lose and I think by using condoms especially I'm the owner table top people not to use condoms is if you're trying to get pregnant that's it I mean I get one you know realistically I get why people don't want to wear condoms but there are so many that are tailored to still being able to enjoy great sets and they're not sponsoring this video so I'm not going to mention them anonymous relationships in general I feel like other ones where everybody assumes that being in one is a safety blanket or STDs it's not true you can still definitely get an STI I'm not saying that your partner's untrustworthy but we see all the time people cheat every day so I think it's just better to be safe than sorry [Laughter] based on the admin for everything yeah what do I do if my boyfriend precious me is having said no no no we dumped him we don't we don't I don't see how they said please cut it absolutely cut it no you have to I don't believe anyone should ever crush anyone into sex consent is sexy and pressuring someone is not conventional it is not consensual you are not supposed to try manipulation there is none whatsoever you're not going to manipulate someone into having any type of whether you don't think that the ends like oh yeah I know to be fair he's right I do want it I know that it also can be upsetting for a guy as well if they can't make you go yeah I guess if you know how to make maybe show them show them I think I'm just going just keep up yeah I know yeah yeah or Lizzie sometimes I just think that's a but just being like like this in I'm literally gonna show you ya know what I do and this is what I like and then what I think it's all about understanding and because I get it so if I couldn't make a very common probably really sensitive you know I'm so actually knew what would make me feel better in that situation it's something to be like okay well this is like like this is what makes me calm like this is what I like I'll end up doing it and then just probably say like you know what it might not happen next so it might laughter but we'll make up and I it's not a big deal just be chill about it and also I don't want to jump the gun about your relationship but potentially if someone is making it a sensitive issue by being like I just don't like talking about it because it makes me really sad mhm that's a little bit toxic you know that it is kind of being like look my sensitivity comes over your pleasure and yeah especially if it's something so like I'm sure if it was them who couldn't come if they are that type of person that I'm in commercial ground again I don't know your relationship so you know me little background so I don't want to say that but if I'm sure that if it was them in the situation where they could come then you'd be like look I just don't want to talk about it I know it makes me really sensitive and I are until you're in that situation don't like you know we can work on it together and there'll be much bigger things that you have to deal with in a relationship than one of you loving being able to make it I was like oh I'm so yeah if you can't talk about it because it's too sensitive because it makes them uncomfortable and that's quite a red flag do yeah lots of questions about sex hunting for the first time to go out it's saying is it gonna hurt or at her loads or whatever sweet yeah I think every woman's body is different so I'm looking when I first lost my virginity when I lost my virginity um it's weird because I'm actually speaking to my ex he's actually gay by the way so yeah I lost my virginity to a guy who was gay I didn't know that neither of us I think he probably yeah but he had we spoke about it and he was telling me how I was I look like I was in a lot of pain but then I eased up and I think that literally what it was um in life in general anywhere whenever we do things it's gonna be a bit painful you're getting a new tattoo were you it's gonna be a bit uncomfortable but after a while I promise you once you but it'll say they bleed hymen breaks or whatever I had no pain and no like I don't even think I have discomfort you know really yeah I don't I said it wasn't like wow yeah yeah yeah like I think it's always gonna be a bit like yeah yeah but yeah cool yeah again it totally depends on the situation and stuff that's one reason that I would say that you probably want to be a bit comfortable with the person just because or at least let them know that it is your person even if you're like you know what I don't want to do it don't me how I do it in the eye and whatever cool go ahead bill tell him it's it yeah mangos to not tell their partner yeah and I do in a relationship with yeah especially I say someone might be quite quite like yeah yeah but they will know that if it's someone's first time no matter you don't how like you are no matter whatever it's it's gonna be it's you're not going to be able to do everything this is such personal message I'm kind of embarrassed asking it but when I was 16 I had sex with a guy who afterwards made fun of me for my vagina ever since then I think so conscious about my vagina looks like it's like I seen that everyone is going to look at it and think her vagina has longer flaps the mask I like that way or whatever PS I know with the I hate hate the word flaps but I don't know through this guy my box of love and I don't see us perhaps I'd say to that watch make it attraction the flappy that is another fluttering it's lucky than all the flaps flaps and less fluffy than claps yeah I used to think that show more soap one kinds but I do enjoy what she's very good for upper body yeah yeah it is very good because we're so used to seeing the airbrushed photoshopped and all sorts of curves that's on really real so I think it's good to see women and men in their normal say what everyday women and men look like saying people you get on a bus with or a train with this is what they look like without clothes and it's important that it's highlighted because we're sold so many fake dreams and sold body yeah this is the even one vagina it once again everyone's vagina comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes everyone's vagina is normal I promise you because I've heard of people who've gone to doctors to find out their vaginas are real and they have to turn so many women away because they yeah because they didn't know that there was nothing wrong with them vagina no there's absolutely nothing wrong it's not going to be identical to you know the last person had sex I'm just like the last person you had sex with penis is there going to be identical to the next slide with the guy before everyone's body bits and pieces are always going to be different ok what do you do when your boyfriend haven't had sex in a while but you legit look just not feeling it but what a hot and sweaty sex life oh girl get some candles get some you yeah just try lots of different things try lots of things like so come on oh but perhaps you didn't I get some dinner buy some new lingerie it'll be just just love and it might be it might be you it might be your birth control it might be literally anything advanced yeah I didn't even realize someone was like oh do not make your sex drive indoors like ah I think what's so important through all of this again under gonna go a little bit is communication like literally just sit down if you like look I know we're not having like sex or like I am feeling it lately or we haven't been you know but like I'm still trapped to you I want to be nothing there let's watch some porn just try new things you might sit there and got like pissing yourself laughing do you know what like that's a relationship I'm throwing together that is true I love working out like what you might like and what might be stopping you at that time I'm just keeping them in the loop as well cause sometimes people don't really know what's going on they're just like and they find it hard to talk about if you just have a normal conversation you just bring in and be like you know maybe we just watch some porn together opinions on whether friends-with-benefits relationships can be successful you went through it last year and of course I was a lot of developed evenings there's this misconception that if you have a friends of benefit that's always the woman who normally catches feelings and I don't know I just feel like it can be successful if you're both sexually mature is what I like to say yeah Isis actually immature in in say that some people are still quite new to sex and haven't been able to separate feelings from just enjoying good sex and that's what keeps them in toxic relationships as well they seem that the relationship is amazing it's just I don't know yeah but it's just like the sex of intense the sex is great but besides that you don't really have anything else to offer each other so you need to be able to distinguish the two and be honest with yourself as well a matter whatever relationship you're in but when it comes to friends I do think that they can be successful as long as you are honest with yourself and tell yourself I know sometimes I've got a friend who has expensive benefit and I think that she knows that he's not really the guy she could want in a relationship however she knows that they still good friends and they can still just have great effects and that's also I have friends that I know could not be friends yeah I also agree though yeah in that situation but for example for me I know that it does work yeah I know that I can compartmentalize things and I can have a barrier and you know example so like I am like oh then that worked for me and I'm like cool great like nothing even talked about their relationship exactly allons with me you really do know it can't be but it is possible if you just are honest with yourself and you tell yourself what you're looking for and if you're actually looking for relationship and good sex then do that go dating but don't fall into something that you're not ready for because it just you end up with might not just it might just not be you you might be against person you're like wow so just not you just want to have the traits to be yeah you might not be able to disconnect sex from callings okay yeah again whenever I have sex my boyfriend finishes and I don't beat doesn't seem to care he's everything to care oh my gosh when you see a new boyfriend young because he sounds young yeah that sounds really young like something hang on because I don't have any older don't say once you make sure they feel insulted sometimes if you don't that's all you have to lie to them you see but babies usually won't ever to reach their that that will gasm not caring I would cut them off so quickly hi I've recently come out as a lesbian however I'm not sure with me other women romantically okay I would say I would say online dating is good yes I think there's so many of course you can always change you know what you're looking for in terms of age and of course gender I would say going to bars as well yeah there are lots of really good yeah so who is the highs LGBTQ and I think anywhere in Oxford they're ones like just thank you experienced yeah like um everywhere there will be immediately but there's so many ways to go about it's just finding the one you think works best for you yeah so depending on you so but there are lots of things and I guess social media is so good so good we're lucky they are actually lucky yeah she's Mike hi guys gay or bi and it might then you'd like they'll end up in a situation where you're like oh god well I guess there is no where but it's probably me he dumped to you in a way that because our society is so natural Norma's and you know you've see it's like men and women everywhere in unhappy relationship saying and actually no like there are huge huge huge communities and places so thank you so much for watching I really enjoyed this great little chat thank you so much for coming thank you for having I have really enjoyed it and I hope you have to let me know it's got any similar types of videos you'd like me to film or if you have any questions maybe either of us and we can take a look down in the comment section below and Al Ahly has lots of stuff online like you have your times I've got my questions my thread I also do sex toys this t-shirt so so many stuff you can check out I've got a bunch of content it's usually on my Instagram page people are always but begging me to do every time I'm doing my threads like do one about this I'm like I will forget that so thank you so much for watching and I will see you in the next video please like and subscribe if you did enjoy this video and I'll link everything of a low knees down below ballet