The star of the new Netflix comedy special ‘Cinco’ is a self-described bad Catholic, who says his brood of five kids is more of a mob than a family.

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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT JUST
RELEASED HIS FIFTH STANDUP SPECIAL. AND LIKE ALL OF THEM THEY'RE
FANTASTIC! PLEASE WELCOME ONE OF MY
FAVORITE COMEDIANS, JIM GAFFIGAN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ KEEP ON ROCKIN' IN THE FREE
WORLD ♪ >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. >> GOOD TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: YOU'RE ROCKIN' A
LITTLE BIT OF A DIFFERENT LOOK RIGHT NOW. >> THIS IS– WELL, THIS IS A
MUSTACHE. >> Stephen: I WHAT IT IS. IN THE WITNESS RELOCATION
PROGRAM? >> I'M DOING SOME PORN. ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: GOING BACK TO YOUR
ROOTS? >> YEAH, GOING BACK– IT'S NOT
LIKE I HAD ENORMOUS, HIGH, SELF-ESTEEM, BUT I WANTED TO SEE
HOW LOW I COULD GO. THIS– THIS IS FOR AN ACTING
ROLE. I'M GOING TO BE IN "FARGO" THIS
SEASON. >> Stephen: OH, FANTASTIC. ( APPLAUSE )
I CAN BUY YOU– I CAN BUY YOU AS–
>> MIDWESTERNER. >> Stephen: IT'S A BIT OF A
STRETCH. >> QUITE A STRETCH. PLAY A WHITE BREAD GUY. GOING TO PULL IT OFF. I THINK I CAN PULL IT OFF. >> Stephen: I THINK SO, TOO. YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
EVERYBODY LOVES ABOUT YOU, I THINK EVERYBODY LIKES YOUR
MATERIAL– I LISTEN TO IT WITH MY KIDS, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I
LOVE IT. THEY LOVE IT. IT'S NOT DIRTY. IT'S CLEAN MATERIAL, FOR THE
MOST PART, AND IT'S NOT POLITICAL. NOBODY CAN FIGURE OUT– YOU
KNOW, EVERYBODY THINKS YOU AGREE WITH THEM, I BET. >> I THINK THERE IS SOME OF
THAT. MY MATERIAL IS CLEAN BECAUSE
JESUS TOLD ME TO BE CLEAN. ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: HE TOLD ME TO BE
CLEAN, TOO, BUT… ( LAUGHTER )
>> I DO THINK THAT, YOU KNOW– IT'S WEIRD. BECAUSE I MEAN, I'M GRATEFUL
THAT A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE COME TO MY SHOW, AND I DO
SOMETIMES THINK THAT THEY ATTRIBUTE THEIR BELIEFS TO ME
BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE LIBERAL, BUT I LOOK LIKE A REPUBLICAN
SENATOR FROM THE 50s. ( LAUGHTER )
SO I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ASSUME THAT I'M ON THEIR SIDE. AND I ALSO– MAYBE I'M A BREAK
FROM IT, YOU KNOW, A BREAK FROM– AND THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT
DO IT MUCH BETTER THAN ME. AND, YOU KNOW, I'M SOMEBODY WHO
CAN TALK ABOUT MANY MUFFINS. >> Stephen: LIKE NOBODY ELSE,
MY FRIEND, LIKE NOBODY ELSE. >> IT'S ART. >> Stephen: YOU CAN MAKE THE
MUFFINS SING. >> MAKE IT IMPORTANT. >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT YOUR
KIDS. >> MY KIDS. >> Stephen: ARE YOUR KIDS– DO
THEY HAVE POLITICAL OPINIONS? >> MY KIDS HAVE INSANE POLITICAL
OPINIONS. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE FIVE. >> I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN. ( APPLAUSE )
SOME PEOPLE– THERE'S ALWAYS SOME CLAPPING AND THEN THE REST
OF THEM ARE LIKE, "WELL, YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF." AND I DO HAVE FIVE KIDS. AND IT'S A LOT OF KIDS. FRANKLY, IT'S TOO MANY. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: ARE YOU FROM A BIG FAMILY? >> I'M ONE OF SIX. MY WIFE IS ONE OF NINE. AND IT'S —
>> Stephen: I'M ONE OF 11. >> ONE OF 11. AND IT'S JUST– I MEAN, I LOVE
MY KIDS. THEY'RE– THEY'RE MY GROUP. BUT WE'RE LESS OF A FAMILY. WE'RE MORE OF A MOB. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, WE LITERALLY– I WAS IN– I WAS DOING SHOWS IN LONDON
LAST WEEKEND, AND THAT'S– YOU KNOW, HOW YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH
JET LAG IS WITH FOUR KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF 12. AND I WOULD BRING MY TIRED,
SLEEPY, POORLY BEHAVED CHILDREN INTO A RESTAURANT, AND THE
HORROR ON THE WAITSTAFF'S FACES. I THINK I SAW A WAITRESS QUIT
HER JOB? ( LAUGHTER )
SHE LOOKED AT MY CHILDREN, TOOK OFF HER APRON, THREW IT ON THE
REGISTER, AND WALKED OUT. NOW, SHE COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING
OFF HER SHIFT, BUT I LIKE TO THINK SHE QUIT AND WENT HOME AND
HUNG HERSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE IT'S– IT'S A LOT. BUT THAT'S MY GROUP. THAT'S —
>> Stephen: IN LONDON, SO HOW LONG WERE YOU GUYS OVER THERE
WITH THE KIDS? >> WE WERE THERE FOR FOUR DAYS. >> Stephen: WHAT WERE THE KIDS
LIKE? DID THEY GO TO THE TOWER OF
LONDON, THINGS LIKE THAT? >> WE WENT TO ALL THE TOURIST
SIGHTS, BUT I THINK MY KIDS REALLY ENJOYED– THEY LOVED THE
M&M STORE. >> Stephen: I HEARD THEY'VE
GOT A GOOD ONE. >> THEY'VE GOT A GOOD ONE. AND I TELL YOU, AS AN AMERICAN,
SEEING THE M&M STORE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ME EMBARRASSED TO BE AN
AMERICAN. IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED TO BE A
HUMAN. ( LAUGHTER )
I LIKE M&Ms, BUT I NEVER THOUGHT, "WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO
OPEN AN MAN MSTORE." >> Stephen: ISN'T EVERY STORE
AN M&M STORE? WHERE CAN'T YOU BUY THEM? >> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: YOU GO TO THE
ANTIQUE STORE AND SAY, "I'LL TAKE THE COUCH, AND DO YOU HAVE
ANY M&Ms." >> AND THERE ARE THREE LESTLES. THERE'S THE FIRST LOCAL OFFICIAL
FOR M&Ms, AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER LEVEL FOR M&Ms, AND
THE THIRD LEVEL I IMAGINE IS WHERE THEY KILL THE PEOPLE WHO
GO TO THE M&M STORE. BY THE WAY, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG IF YOU LIKE GOING TO THE M&M STORE BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE
ALLOWED TO VOTE. LET'S BE SERIOUS. RIGHT? WE HAVE AN AGE LIMIT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY
HEART. YOU OPENED– WHEN THE POPE WAS
HERE LAST YEAR. >> YES. >> Stephen: OR TWO YEARS AGO
AT THIS POINT, RIGHT? >> IT'S ALL A BLUR. >> Stephen: A YEAR AND A HALF
AGO, HE WENT TO WILL PHILLY AND YOU OPENED FOR THE POPE. >> I KNOW, IT'S CRAZY. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE
TO OPEN FOR THE POPE. DID YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR STAND-UP
IN LATIN? >> I'M CATHOLIC, YOU'RE
CATHOLIC. BUT I'M NOT A GOOD CATHOLIC. LIKE, IF THERE WAS A TEST FOR
CATHOLICS, I WOULD FAIL, YOU KNOW,. >> Stephen: I THINK YOU'RE
PROBABLY A BETTER CATHOLIC THAN I AM. >> BUT MOST CATHOLICS WOULD
FAIL, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THERE'S NOT A TEST, YOU KNOW. ( LAUGHTER )
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH WAS LIKE, "LOOK, WE'VE LOST TOO MANY
PEOPLE ALREADY." BUT I GOT TO OPEN FOR THE POPE. BUT HE WASN'T THERE WHEN I WAS
DOING STAND-UP. >> Stephen: THIS IS YOU
SHAKING HANDS WITH PAPA. >> AND BY THE WAY, THAT'S MY
MOTHER-IN-LAW, THE MOTHER OF NINE CHILDREN. SHE'S LIKE A SHIITE CATHOLIC, SO
SHE WAS VERY EXCITE GLD THIS GUY BACK HERE? >> THAT'S WAR GLEZ THIS GIERKS
WHY IS THE SALT BAY GUY BEHIND THE POPE BACK THERE? >> HE IS, SIMILAR TO ME, A LATIN
HEARTTHROB. HE IS A FAMOUS LATIN–
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NO, IT WAS– IT WAS AT– IN PHILADELPHIA, THE FESTIVAL OF
FAMILIES, PHILADELPHIA, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE, WHICH IF
YOU'VE BEEN TO PHILLY, YOU KNOW THEY MEAN THAT SARCASTICALLY. ( LAUGHTER )
I MEAN, I LOVE PHILLY, BUT PHILLY, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY
LOVE, THEY MEAN THAT THE WAY YOU'D SAY, "SYRIA, A PLACE FOR
PEACE." YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BUT I LOVE PHILADELPHIA. I HAVE TO TAIL WHEN I WAS AT THE
SOUND CHECK, I WENT FOR THE SOUND CHECK, AND IT WAS PRETTY
SCARY. I WENT OUT AND THEY CONSTRUCTED
THIS OUTDOOR AMPHITHEATER. >> AND LOOKED ON THE HIGHWAY,
AND THE AMPHITHEATER WAS EMPTY, AND ON THE HIGHWAY THERE WAS A
MILLION PEOPLE ALREADY THERE AT THE SOUND CHECK. AND I LOOKED APT THOSE PEOPLE
AND I THOUGHT, WOW. A MILLION PEOPLE THAT DON'T WANT
TO SEE ME DO STAND-UP COMEDY, BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE WERE THERE
TO SEE THE POPE, AND NOT ONE OF THEM WAS THINKING, "I HOPE THE
POPE HAS A COMEDIAN OPEN FOR HIM." >> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ANY
POPE MATERIAL? >> DISOME POPE MATERIAL BUT I
WAS NERVOUS AT THE SOUND CHECK. I WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO
COME UP WITH PHILADELPHIA JOKES, BUT I THOUGHT WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT PHILADELPHIA? I KNOW THE LIBERTY BELL, I KNOW
THE CHEESE STAKE, AND I JUST WATCHED ESPN "30 FOR 30"
DOCUMENTARY ABOUT EAGLES FANS THROWING SNOWBALLS AT SANTA. NOT ON THE BRAND OF BROTHERLY
LOVE. SO WHEN I WAS FINALLY
INTRODUCED, THERE WAS STILL NO ONE IN THE AMPHITHEATER, BECAUSE
THE POPE WASN'T THERE. BECAUSE I ESSENTIALLY OPENED FOR
THE POPE MOBILE. I FIGURED, ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST
DO MY SET. I SAID, "IT'S GOING GOODTO BE
HERE IN PHILADELPHIA, EXPWIT HEARD THE ROAR FROM THE CROWD ON
THE HIGHWAY. I SAID I'LL PLAY TO THE CROWD ON
THE HIGHWAY. PHILLY LOVES THE POPE. ANOTHER ROAR. AND I SAID, "NOT THAT I WAS
WORRIED, BUT YOU GUYS WEREN'T THAT NICE TO SANTA CLAUS." NOTHING. SILENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN I HEARD SOMETHING THAT SOUND LIKE BOOING– WELL–
BECAUSE IT WAS BOOING. BUT IT WASN'T EVERYONE. IT WAS, LIKE 10%. SO, LIKE, 100,000 PEOPLE BOOING
MY SANTA JOKE BEFORE THEY SAW THEIR RELIGIOUS LEADER WHO WAS
GOING TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT MERLSY. ( LAUGHTER )
AND SO I SWITCHED, AND I KIND OF ADJUSTED MY ACT. AND EVENTUALLY I HAD AN
OPPORTUNITY TO MEET THE POPE. AND I WAS IN THIS ROOM, AND
EVERYONE WAS SAYING SOMETHING TO THE POPE, AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
TO SAY. SO WHEN IT FINALLY CAME MY TURN
I SAID, "DON'T BRENG YOU WANT SANTA INCIDENT." ( LAUGHTER )
AND THE POPE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, BUT HE GAVE ME A LOOK
LIKE, "DUDE, I WOULD NEVER BRING THAT UP." >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK HERE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
JIM GAFFIGAN.

44 thoughts on “Comedian Jim Gaffigan Has Too Many Children

  1. I am glad to know you are a comedian. I love your jokes. It has make my life very happy specially while driving for Uber and lyft. I had Pandora and i would play your comedy hour for my passengers and believe me it has made us laugh our guts out our ears while online doing rideshare for two years. Love you!!. Happy to know you have a beautiful family. Thank you.

  2. I went to the M&M store in London. I can't eat them as I am gluten/lactose free so they suggested Skittles none of the above in them. Great, lollies I can eat, then I had an allergic reaction to them so I guess not 😢😢😢

  3. If you listen to any extended interview with Jim Gaffigan where he's talking with other funny people, he always says a few a jokes a lot darker than his stand up specials (like the waitress hanging herself here) and I LOVE THAT. To his own admission, he's really not that religious it's more his wife and he used to be pretty raunchy back in his early stand up career. I love that Jim Gaffigan may seem like just a Midwestern comic you can pigeon hole into just making clean cut food related jokes, when in reality he's so much more than that, and better than that.

  4. Your family's a mob. You should do a tour called: The Jim Gaffigans riot tour, and your kids could take up all the aisles in the theater and run crazily towards the stage, and you could do a remake of the three stooges ×2 on crack!!

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